I don't really know why I am writing this collection of thoughts, except there has been an inner voice telling me to get it down on paper. I argued with myself, saying who cares what goes on in a person's head, especially at a personal level. I also feel that it is no one's business about a person's thoughts, feelings, and interactions at home, work, play, or church. Then, I ask myself, why do I have this voice that will not go away? Do other people have this problem? Is this normal? Am I going nuts?

I have been doing a lot of soul searching the last 3 or 4 weeks. I have a feeling that when an individual goes through a time of reexamination of your inner self, you are always critical of what you see. At least, I found that I have been.

At times, I feel excited about being a Christian and having Macedonia as my Church home. Other times I feel like I have been a failure in my promises and commitments that I have made to God. I have questioned God as to what has happened and what is happening in my life. I have even been dumb enough to really get mad at God (I am really thankful that he is a loving God!). I find myself talking to God most of the day, probably saying a lot that He thinks is absolutely stupid.

The other day, I was at the Church testing a camera that had been donated to us. I had gotten in my car to leave, when I saw Bro James coming down the parking lot. Of course, I stopped, as I always am glad to converse with him, one on one. We got on the subject of children and how some are easy to raise and others are more difficult.

Bro James made the comment that as we are to listen, nurture and discipline our children, God has the same job with adults. Since we are Children of God, we have to really try him and just see how much we can get away with. God must really be patient and steadfast. I believe we must act worse than our own children do at times.

If you feel as I do sometimes, you feel you can't possibly bear any more problems in your life, yet here comes another crisis. Now I know that the Bible teaches us that God never puts anymore on us than what we can bear, but I am not so sure that I want to find out what my breaking point is.

So what is my point? I am not really sure. Writing this certainly didn’t take away any problems. All I know is that I am proud to be a Child of God, that I know, even though I am a person who commits sin, I am forgiven, that I will have eternal life in Heaven, that God is a great listener, that God is a great "Parent" to all of his children, that no matter how much I disappoint him, he always takes me back in his arms, and how I am intelligent enough to know that no matter how bad I think I have it or how much I feel like I am struggling, that there are always people that are having a harder time than me and need all of our help.

God Bless You Bro James!!